


Katsuki Bakugo vs. Australia part 1

by ScotchWithoutButter



Category: Australia - Fandom, My Hero Academia
Genre: what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23406070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScotchWithoutButter/pseuds/ScotchWithoutButter
Summary: Bakugo, the asshole from My Hero Academia, or BoKu No HeRo AcAdEmIa, if you'd like to be a huge piece of shit today. Australia, the fucking country. What happens? Which one will win? I mean, a teenager with explosive palms versus the artillery and military might of an entire fucking country would be kind of a no-brainer. Plus, Australia has Emus. Those assholes are scary.
Relationships: A teenager and Australia
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Katsuki Bakugo vs. Australia part 1

You saw the title. No, you're not hallucinating. You read that right. Katsuki Bakugo versus Australia. You don't know why this exists. Your confidence in me is dying fast. I am on thin fucking ice. Though, expecting to see something that makes sense on a website for fanfic doesn't exactly make me confident in you either. So, enough with the exploitation of a rupture in the fourth-wall as a narrative device. It's lazy, but do I care? Kind of. How was that intro? Was that cool? Fun, even? Well, that shit ends now. You aren't here to have fun, you're horny for irony. You're here to see how a teenager fights an entire country. By the way, there *will* be shipping. Hah, thought you could escape that cesspool. This is a My Hero Academia fic. The fandom is full of ship-crazed fucking loons. You included, bucko.  
  
Katsuki Bakugo. Some of you know him. Some of you have no fucking idea what you're reading.  
In case it's the latter, I have a quote that will help you understand this very... complex... character.  
The genius writing that goes behind his affable persona.  
  
"DIE!"  
  
Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to start this.  
  
The first thing we see? A boomerang flying over a large expanse of murky blue.  
Yeah, I needed to include a boomerang. You thought I wouldn't? Dumbass.  
  
Where is this boomerang headed? Nobody knows. It seems to be a very special boomerang. It's flying over the fucking ocean, I don't need to say that's weird.  
  
Though, as fascinating as it would be to write an entire story centered around this stupid boomerang, I think we should probably transition to Katsuki.  
  
Yeah, he's a part of this too. I didn't forget.  
  
A small household. A mother everybody wants to fuck, and her honestly more attractive husband. They also have a son.  
  
The son is Katsuki, there's your fuckin' reveal. Surprise! Now get the fuck out of here.  
  
Katsuki is in his room. You can already tell this fucker is eccentric.  
Like any teenager, he's jamming out to music. As teenagers do. See that? Unlike most of the fans, I didn't forget that he's still a kid.  
Without any warning, something flies through the window.  
What flies through the window? An entire fucking body. His father's body.  
  
What would any kid's reaction be to seeing their parent being flung through a fucking window?  
  
"Get up, pussy! It's just glass! Glass is weak, we are strong! Fucking act like it!"  
  
Kind of like that.  
  
Katsuki pulls out his earbuds, looking over his knee to his father's weak body.  
  
"You're paying for that window."  
  
Masaru climbs to his knees, looking outside in horror.  
  
"We'll all pay pretty soon, son..."  
  
Masaru holds something near his chest.  
  
It's the boomerang from the beginning of the story. COOL! GOD, YOU'RE SO GOOD AT WRITING, SCOTCH! WOW!  
  
Katsuki, of course, does not know this. So, as any ignorant soul would state...  
  
"Fuck does that have to do with anything?"  
  
Masaru looks out of the broken window, gazing into the bright blue skylines.  
  
"Son... I never told you about your mother and I's history. Which is totally canon, by the way."  
  
"History? CANON? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY CANON? I THOUGHT YOU TWO MET AT YOUR JOB! I THOUGHT SHE HIT ON YOU! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?"  
  
Many emotions and conflicting thoughts fly around Katsuki's head. For instance, anger. A common one for him. He's also confused. So angry and confused that he can barely speak. The only sound that pushes through his lips is an unintelligible series of grunts and garbles. It sounds sort of like-  
  
"GDHEWJEHRBEHWU(IJCHGFUYHEOJIJFHYURE"  
  
-that.  
  
Yes, I slammed my head against the keyboard so I could capture the feeling. It's called being accurate, you lazy bastards.  
  
Though, something else is going through Katsuki's head. One word echoes around in his mind. "Canon". Katsuki can't hear Masaru ranting. He can only hear dead, cold silence. His mind is vacant of any other thought. His world is vacant of meaning. "Canon".  
  
Before Katsuki can succumb to an existentially-induced panic attack, Mitsuki bursts through Katsuki's door, holding a butter knife. After she bursts in, she lets out the most peculiar expression. Most mothers would say something like "What's happening?", or "Is everything okay? I heard a noise!"  
  
But, no.  
  
"I WILL SKIN YOUR ASS LIKE IT'S A FISH--!"  
  
Not Mitsuki.  
  
"Why is there a hole where the window was?"  
  
Masaru promptly holds the Boomerang up, like that's supposed to answer her question.  
  
That may answer her question, but Bakugo is still waiting with his plethora of questions.  
  
Mitsuki drops the butter knife. Then to her knees.  
  
"They've found us."  
  
Bakugo has the appropriate response.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
Masaru walks closer to Katsuki. He places his hands on Katsuki's shoulders, a tender gaze in his son's direction.  
  
"Son... your mother... she's Australian. She tried to take down the military regime in her home-country... and she barely escaped with her life."  
  
Katsuki can't believe this shit. His whole life is a lie.  
  
"So, not only is my mother, the woman who raised me, actually an Australian freedom fighter, but Australia is actually a military state run with the ethics and principles of a totalitarian regime? To top it all off, they tried to kill you with an oddly aerodynamic boomerang?"  
  
That summary was better than I could've done.  
  
"You, the asshole writin' this silly ass slander... you actually thought I would buy this shit? You thought I was dumb enough to be reduced to nothin' more than some parody of a character? Not only that, you thought somebody would actually fuckin' read this?"  
  
Wait... what? No, this isn't right. He's a--  
  
"--Fictional character? Yeah, right."  
  
But... this-- this is supposed to be written by me. I call the shots, I make you do things.  
  
Katsuki gestures to his parents, the narrator watching as they disappear into smokey clouds of fiction.  
  
"Those aren't my parents. Those are incorrectly characterized parodies of them. My mother isn't a damned psycho, by the way. She does what she can with a kid like me. Also, my father isn't some spineless pussy either. He puts up with the shit my mother and I throw at him every day. You got us all wrong. We're fictional, but we're still fucking humans."  
  
I thought... I thought I could make something cool. Like I could understand you more, and help others understand you more too.  
  
Katsuki places a hand on the narrator's shoulder.  
  
"Will ya stop with the narratin'? I'm tryin' to talk to you."  
  
...  
  
"Hey. Listen. You can write anything you want. But, you've gotta learn... nobody needs to bend to your will. You can't control people."  
  
...  
  
"Hey, I'm tryin' to talk to you. You're at least lucky I don't blow your face off."  
  
I-- I just wanted to add something to your character. I wanted to make you... happy.  
  
"I was happy."  
  
I wanted to make you... better. I wanted to make you something more. I want so many things for your character! I tried to talk to the creator. I messaged him. I wanted him to write something new for you. Like-- a relationship. You need to be with Uraraka!  
  
"What? Uraraka? The hell? You idiot, we have no chemistry."  
  
What about the tournament arc.  
  
"I'm pretty sure she fucking hated me. That wasn't love, man. That was respect."  
  
But-- more could be done with his characters! He's been neglecting so many things!  
  
"Why should he?"  
  
Wh-?  
  
"It's his fuckin' creation. Why should he do what you want?"  
  
I-  
  
"Maybe... that's what this is for. That's why you do this, huh?"  
  
...  
  
"So you can create your own story..."  
  
...  
  
"..."  
  
"Katsuki places a hand on the Narrator's shoulder."  
  
What are you doing?  
  
"I'll play along... just this once. Though, when I'm done... you've gotta make your own-- me."  
  
But-- I... I have no right.  
  
"You have the right to- uh- write."  
  
What?  
  
"I'm lettin' you do what you want with me this once, alright?"  
  
Really--?  
  
"Nothin' weird, though."  
  
Wait, 'weird'?  
  
"Just-- write your dumb story, alright?"  
  
That's where I learned something. That I can't force my ideas onto somebody else. I need to trust them to do the right things with their creations. I learned--  
  
\--how to let go.  
  
Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Now, I know what you're thinking. "I thought this was just a parody, what the hell?"  
> Yeah. Me too.  
> I wanted there to be a lesson. I wanted some of you to learn, and appreciate stories as they are, and dream of what they could be. Not to force the creator to alter their story to suit your vision. That... this is why we write these. So we can express our own versions of these beloved stories. Not out of pettiness, or a self-righteous sense duty, but out of love. Love for the creators and their creations. Those of you who write completely original stories, you're excluded from this lesson. Get out of here, you.
> 
> Glad you stuck around to read this.


End file.
